How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
