How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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