I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
