I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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