So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
