Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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