Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
