tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We left the knife in your bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
