He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
