best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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