at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
