i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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