It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
