Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
