I seem to have left my pride at pride
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
