I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
