nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
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I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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