genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
