Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
