All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
