just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
