Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
