I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
