just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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