i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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