Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
