In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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