remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
