They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize