did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
