I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
