does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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