i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
