He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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