By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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