if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
