real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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