I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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