I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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