I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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