I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
