:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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