What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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