I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
