The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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