Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
