I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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