My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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