Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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