Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
