You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
