remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
