nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
