Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
