oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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