chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i out mim tonsoeep
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