Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
