I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
