My pussy is not your playground.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
