Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
