I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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