so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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