I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
