I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
