It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
