Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
