Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
