I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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