Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
