Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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