Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
