i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
