i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i've created a new STD.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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