if you like me you must not know who I am
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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