I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
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DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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