if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
