1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
