you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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