you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
