He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
