I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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