I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
