pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
