Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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