would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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